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  • http://idiosyncraticeye.wordpress.com/ idiosyncratic eye

    So painful!  :)

    • http://www.justbeingerica.tumblr.com/ Erica Cresswell

      So painful but followed by a smiley face!

  • http://profiles.google.com/hickman.mama TMW Hickman

    Such an adult conversation from teenagers! Do you really think they would speak that way? I can’t say for sure, since the teen boys I know tend to be monosyllabic.  I liked how you drew the reader into the moment with your descriptions of the wind and the trees and the rustling leaves.

    • http://www.justbeingerica.tumblr.com/ Erica Cresswell

      Hmm I am not sure if the dialogue is too adult.  I’ll have to read it over again.  Thanks for feedback re: setting.  I’m trying to work on setting more.  Glad you enjoyed it.

  • Lindypsmith

    I liked your line, “Throat swelled with emotion.” You captured what it’s like to say something difficult and painful.

    • http://www.justbeingerica.tumblr.com/ Erica Cresswell

      Thanks.  I’m glad you like that line and I find that happens when something is hard to say.

  • http://reticentwriter.wordpress.com/ Reticent Writer

    I think it’s a believable conversation.  When you’re 18, everything is so serious.  You’re absolutely positive you’re in love and you have everything figured out.  The only line I’m not sure about is the last.  I pictured him saying, “Whatever.”  

    • http://www.justbeingerica.tumblr.com/ Erica Cresswell

      I appreciate the feedback.  I am not sure how I feel about the last line.  I still like the idea of leaving it open ended.  What do you think?

  • http://twitter.com/patricialynne07 Patricia

    That was very nice and had a sad, hopeless feeling to it. It also had me wanting to yell, Don’t give up! Long distance can work. Hubby and I are proof. For me, yelling at characters is always a good sign. They’re believable when I think I can change their minds. lol

    • http://www.justbeingerica.tumblr.com/ Erica Cresswell

      Then my work here is done!  Ha ha never done.  

  • http://angelaamman.com/ Angela Amman

    I like “Things have already changed” so much, because it’s absolutely true, though I can’t imagine any of my high school boyfriends saying anything nearly that profound ;)

  • http://www.justbeingerica.tumblr.com/ Erica Cresswell

    Thanks Angela.  Maybe the dialogue is unrealistic?

  • http://yvonne-writingmylifeaway.blogspot.com/ Yvonne

    Ahh, high school love!  So full of hope and passion and drama! :)  I enjoyed reading this. I disagree with the male counterpart though, long distance relationships “can” work.  But I suppose at their age, and at that time of life for them, it really WAS for the best, to end things.

  • susan

    Great story She did the right thing! Smart girl.

  • http://twitter.com/camerongarriepy Cameron (CDG)

    “a closed stance”

    That’s exactly what it was, too. He was closed to possibility, he saw her as closed to him, she was already closing up to protect herself from a necessary wound.

  • http://www.justbeingerica.tumblr.com/ Erica Cresswell

    Thanks you guys.  I’m glad you enjoyed this piece.

  • Stacy Overby

    What a tough spot to be in!  I think you did a great job with the blocking and dialogue showing rather than straight telling.  I’m curious to know if they stay together or split up before summer’s over.

    • http://www.justbeingerica.tumblr.com/ Erica Cresswell

      Thanks Stacy.  I’m glad I did more showing than telling.  What is blocking I wonder.