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Not a Clue (Write on Edge)

By On May 11, 2012 · 16 Comments
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  • http://amybethinverness.com/2012/04/19/interview-with-allie-sanders/ AmyBethInverness

    Scary!  This is a great scene, and could be the perfect set-up for a longer story.
    It might just be my computer, but most of the font in the story is very small, and a few random words or phrases are normal size. Weird glitch?

  • http://profiles.google.com/hickman.mama TMW Hickman

    Amy’s eyes are correct, the font is all wonky.  I had to go get my glasses to read this. 

    This seemed like the beginning of a horror or a suspense film.  Maybe the ‘killer’ is of supernatural origin? 

  • Asproulla

    I like ‘Negatory’.  It implies that they have been together for a long time and have their own code for things.  You create the relationship between the two very well — Mark seems to be the senior partner to whom Ted defers.  A little strange, though, birds at 1 a.m. in the moonlight?  Could they be night birds — an owl, perhaps?

  • http://www.justbeingerica.tumblr.com/ Erica Cresswell

    you guys are right the font is wacky.  i can’t figure out how to fix it in wordpress.  i’ll try sorry!!

    i could be totally wrong i thought birds started chirping way early in the morning.  yes it was my idea that they had been partners for a long time.  i am glad you guys enjoyed it.  let me try to fix the font!  Thanks for reading.  I’ll be back to read everybody’s stuff soon.

    • Asproulla

      Birds (regular tweety kind) sleep during darkness and start singing at dawn.  Some birds are nocturnal, like the nightingale — but I don’t know what they sound like — or the insomniac rooster in my brother-in-law’s yard .  THe most common one around here is the owl.

  • http://www.justbeingerica.tumblr.com/ Erica Cresswell

    There we go!  Font fixed!

  • Wisper

    I agree with the odd picture the birds and it being one AM make.  I’d just change it to like 5 AM – then the birds and coffe could imply they’ve been there all night.  Great job creating a rather ominous scene.

  • http://angelaamman.com/ Angela Amman

    I second the comment about the birds and the description of “early morning”.  1:00 am still screams night to me.  I would suggest either changing the sound (owls, bats flapping, etc.) or changing the actual time (4:30 -5:00 am depending on the time of year.

    It makes me hope the father didn’t do it, not only because that’s sad, but because it would be “solved” so quickly, and I like the suspense you’ve built up!

  • jeanelaine

    Erica, tip on fonts quick fix is to write in word and paste in your blog. Then later take the time to figure out glitches. Maybe that’ll help, worked for me in blogspot. I loved the different take on your story, wish I’d thought of it! The story is good. http://jemcogdell.blogspot.com/2012/05/red-writing-hooda-walk-in-park.html 

  • http://www.justbeingerica.tumblr.com/ Erica Cresswell

    Thanks for the replies. I deleted the birds entirely.  @jeanelaine I don’t have Word.  I use open office.  Thanks for the feedback everyone.

  • Shelton Keys Dunning

    Great take on the prompt! My only concrit is the opening paragraph needs a bit of tightening. It doesn’t seem to fit as well with the rest of the piece. The “had gotten” and then the return to the car didn’t show as much as it told. After the first line, I think maybe dropping those lines for something like: “Their flashlights found nothing in the shadows and soon they were back at their squad car, empty-handed.”  would serve the scene better.

    My brother was a cop for years, and he says “negatory” and “negative” all the time instead of “no”. I love that you had that in here.

    And parents are usually the first suspects in a kidnapping case, so this is totally believable. What is chilling though is the idea that they already think the girl is dead. If she’s missing, they haven’t found a body yet. I think you got the overall “professional fear” down. Great job!

    • http://www.justbeingerica.tumblr.com/ Erica Cresswell

      Hi Shelton.  Thanks for your suggestion.  I hope you don’t mind if I steal your line and use it in my opening.  Can anyone explain what show vs. told means?  I don’t know where the “negatory” came from it just seemed like something a cop might say (I had a short section that I edited out about how they knew each other for years – so maybe instead of having to explain that I just used the casual “negatory.”)

      Thanks again you guys for reading!

  • Vodkacalling

    LoL! You must have fixed the fonts and birds that everyone is talking about, because I do not see either….Other than that, I think it is a great start to a great mystery.

    • http://www.justbeingerica.tumblr.com/ Erica Cresswell

      Yes hi Vodacalling!  I did change the font and killed off the birds ha ha.  Thanks for reading.

  • http://twitter.com/patricialynne07 Patricia

    Very nice.

    • http://www.justbeingerica.tumblr.com/ Erica Cresswell

      thanks Patricia.